20 April 2013

Artifacts from My Life: Infancy

Recently, I've been going through a lot of boxes and bins that have been dormant for quite some time. I've unearthed a handful of artifacts from my early life. So if you've ever been curious about that phase in my life, Dear Reader, here's a virtual tour of the first room in the museum dedicated to me that doesn't actually exist.
Methodist Evangelical Hospital, where I was born.
My birth stats.
My first outfit.
These are some of my first books. Yes, one of them actually is Let's Talk About Whining. If I'd known that was one of my first books, I might have chosen that for this blog's title. Me, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs is one of those books where you can get a kid's name inserted into the story so that he or she becomes a character. What's particularly notable for me is that it features the address of the apartment where my parents lived when I was first born. I was only there for a few months before we moved to Oldham County. Speaking of Oldham County and whining...

Being born in December, I was only a year old and change throughout most of 1980. The decision was apparently made to enter me in the Oldham County Fair's baby show pageant. To this day, my mom is upset that she was told by a friend of hers who witnessed one of the judges change his or her vote from me to another kid whose family had connections. Such is life in a small town. Who knows? Winning that might have set me on an entirely different life trajectory. Whatever. I hope you don't even still have your ribbon, Kid Who Stole My Prize and Ruined My Life. Jerk.

Those are some of the things from my infancy. I leave you with the following image, dated March, 1979. Note, if you will: the metal chains, the exposed electrical outlet, the fact that my swing is directly in front of the register and the Winnie the Pooh doll that was almost certainly hazardous to any child young enough to still explore the world with its mouth. Yet here I am, a survivor of the death trap laid for me by my own parents.