05 June 2012

Attack of the Crohn's, 2012 Edition

About a week ago, I noticed I had an inflamed area under my right eye. In the past, I've discovered this is a precursor to a nasty Crohn's flare so I reacted with my typical, "Oh, yay" enthusiasm. Then last week, I was in the shower and discovered something didn't feel quite right on my business end. At first, I thought it might be a nasty pimple or ingrown hair, but then I became alarmed it might be a tick. I had already had several days of severe nausea and fatigue. There was just one problem: I had no way of seeing the peculiarity for myself.

Try as I might, I could not manage to get a look in the bathroom mirror. After a few minutes of frustration, I decided to make use of 21st Century technology. Over the course of about 20 minutes, I tried to use a digital camera to take a photo. Gah! Lighting, angles, timing...there's a lot to it. It was like I was living a Ben Stiller movie. I tried all kinds of awkward poses, from bent over standing to on my knees, rump up. I fell at least twice. Plus, the cats were curious what the hell I was doing, so they kept trying to get up against me to see for themselves what was happening. That didn't help at all.

I can tell you, Dear Reader, that the next time you're in a conversation about sexting or amateur porn, I want you to stop and think about how much work went into just making it acceptable in a technical sense. That is, you can actually see what you're supposed to be seeing, whether you like what you see or not. I gained a much greater appreciation for what actually goes into that kind of at-home, intimate photography.

Otherwise, though, it became apparent that I've got - or am getting - a fistula. I went to see my doctor on Friday. She wrote a prescription for an antibiotic, Levofloxacin, and now basically I just have to hope that does the trick. Otherwise, I'm looking at surgery. Yay.

As fistulas go, I'm actually kinda lucky. This one is actually accessible from the outside, so they shouldn't have to actually cut into me to get to anything. Still, there's always the chance of infection, etc., and being a spot cut on from the outside invites its own possible snags (such as, uh, wiping). I've recently learned of Megabus and have been hoping to arrange a brief visit to Atlanta to meet a Crohnie friend of mine in person. That, obviously, is now up in the air.

Fistulas are rather common for us Crohnies. There is nothing extraordinary about this (so far, anyway; it could always turn out to be that I've been impregnated by an alien). There are plenty worse experiences, even just within the realm of life with Crohn's.

Who knows? Maybe I'll be assigned a nurse looking for a guy like me, or maybe I'll get a roommate with an available sister or something. Cross yer fingers!

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