|Ramona, practicing being adorable.|
Before I became too maudlin, though, my new friend texted me and cheered me up. She's a very sweet young woman with a tender heart and I think very highly of her. Depressed Travis would downplay the value of such a friend--just as he downplayed the friends he already had, who were always willing to be there for him--but Healthy Travis counts this friendship as something worth celebrating. My friends have all rallied around me since learning of the severity of my depression, and I am truly thankful to--and for--each of them. Meeting this new friend as I did as I began my recovery, though, gives her a unique insight into me that the others don't have, and so she's been able to reassure me in different ways. I like to think I've returned the favor, though just to be sure, I keep trying to find ways of doing so. She's a very special young woman and I think very highly of her. I want her to have as good a friend as she's been to me.
It may be overstating my Christmas to suggest that I basked in celebration with the Whos, but I certainly feel more participatory and celebratory this Christmas than I have for more than a year. Last year, I think I may have been so spiteful that I would have tried to "steal" Christmas if mass theft was at all practical for someone with my health. This year, though, I felt a sense of belonging at the table, sitting with my cousin and the little girl with whom I colored. We weren't at the "grown-ups" table, but that's okay. We were at the cool table.
Christmas night, I met with some friends to see Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol. I'm not even bothering with a full review post of this one; all that really matters to me is that I enjoyed myself. The movie was terrific fun (it's easily my second-favorite in the series, just behind M:I-2) with lots of great stunts and Simon Pegg made me laugh throughout. I also enjoyed Michael Giacchino's score quite a bit. I'm glad we opted to not see it in IMAX because I'm terrified of heights, and several sequences made me squeamish on a regular sized screen!
|You had me at, "No Plan."|
So too did a subplot about what became of Ethan's marriage to Julia (Michelle Monaghan) in Mission: Impossible III (which, incidentally, opened less than four months after my own wedding). I tried not to think too much about that, but of course it gnawed at me throughout. I was only able to completely suspend my fixation on that during some of the stunt sequences set in high places. (Before anyone suggests it...No! I am absolutely not going to confront my fear of heights, and certainly not as a coping mechanism!)
That's pretty much my Christmas 2011. Anxieties and emptiness; friendship and hope. Was it the best Christmas ever? No. But it was better than others and on the whole, I'm glad I was here for it.