Anyone who knows me is well aware of my addiction to music. To help build my library the last year, I have signed up with one of the ubiquitous online survey groups. I answer some questions, and a week or so later they deposit anywhere from $1.00 to $3.00 into my Paypal account. It's not something I get to do regularly, but it paid for about ten downloads from the iTunes store last year so no complaints from me.
This year, though, I have regularly run into the following problem. In the screening portion of the survey, I am now clicking the 30-34 age group instead of the 25-29 group. I am then discovering that they're not looking for my input. Is this because people in my new age group are more vigorous about participating in these things? Possibly, but I suspect it more likely reflects the diminished value my opinion has now that it's in this demographic.
Thanks to having Crohn's disease, I've already reached the point where cold weather can make it painful for me to even stand up (much less actually walk). I wouldn't be so dramatic about it as to say my body has completely betrayed me--there are certainly others for whom such a declaration would be devoid of any exaggeration. Still, I don't think it self-indulgent to say that my mental self is of greater value to me than my physical self. Imagine, then, being told that your mental self has also lost its luster!
I know, I know. I'm making too much out of this, I shouldn't let it bother me, blah, blah, blah. I know these things mentally, but when you're struggling to find some way of looking at yourself that doesn't sicken you and then you find one more reason that you've been devalued, it's hard to get a grip on that kind of thing. (Which reminds me, I'm not sure I took my fluoxetine with lunch today....)